The past two weeks I’ve experienced the worst break-up of my life. I broke up with the love of my life, my everything, Nutella. I have loved everything sugar and sweet my whole entire life, but recently things have started to escalate. At my 21st birthday party, my brothers asked the question to my friends; “How many spoons of Nutella does Sarah eat per week?” When the answer turned out to be 32 I wasn’t even surprised. I was very much a secret eater. My favorite thing when my parents left the house or when the whole family went to bed was to sneak downstairs and get in a spoon or four. Sweets, and then especially Nutella, became a way of rewarding myself. If I came back from uni, spoon. If I had a rough day, spoon. If I finished a project, spoon, spoon, spoon. Aside from this I also liked to eat the occasional chocolate bar in my bed. My whole bed was filled with M&M’s, chocolate bar wrappers, and chips bags. I was completely happy and fulfilled with the way I lived, even though I hid a large part of it for other people.
The turnaround started when I started noticing that I was hiding my body. I did not like the way I looked in pictures, could barely look at my arms, and for someone who is all about body positivity, I was being very negative towards myself. By no way am I implying that people who look like me aren’t perfect, every body is beautiful and so was I. However, I was not living a healthy lifestyle. I told myself that I gained weight because of the medication that I was taking, but deep down I knew that my lifestyle also had something to do with it.
I wanted to feel like myself again, fit into my clothes, feel confident, and get healthier. I decided to start eating better, not necessarily to lose weight, but just to become the best version of me. This turned out to be harder than I thought, and the first night of my healthy lifestyle I was already baking a brownie with my friends. This was when I knew, that if I really wanted to make a change, I would have to reset my body and fight my addiction to sugar. I decided that from the next day onward I would not eat any sweets anymore; no sodas, no chocolate, and absolutely no Nutella. And men was it hard. The first days I felt depressed, wanting to cry every time I saw one of my favorite sweets. But I fought on, and it became easier and easier. The day became quite doable at some point, but the nights stayed hard. Usually, when I couldn’t sleep I would go downstairs for a spoon, while now I just stay in bed and do some more thesis work. Because of my irregular insomnia, I eat at 7 and usually fall asleep around 2 which means that I don’t eat for 5 hours and get very hungry. When you’re hungry it’s easiest to snack, therefore it’s important to eat enough, and when you are craving sweets just eat something substantial. I even tried to make sugarless chocolate muffins, but they were disgusting and made me super nauseous.
The crazy thing was that as soon as I started this process I felt my mojo coming back. I dared to wear my usually revealing outfits, all my friends hit me up, and I looked into the mirror with a smile again. What I learned about this journey, is that I was obviously not living very healthy before, but that changing such a big part of your life can be very difficult, also because I’m afraid of losing my identity. So what now? When I finished the two weeks I did eat a little piece of cake and had an ice cream this week. This is nothing compared to my old lifestyle, and I hope I can keep up this routine of eating something sweet every once in a while, just not every hour.
What do you think? Is this something you would try? Let me know!